Years ago when I was struggling with trying to find my own mathematical discoveries I found myself thinking about mathematics as an entity.
It was kind of a comfort thing I guess, which I'm sure others have done. Then you're never alone. And as you're thinking over your mathematical ideas you're part of an imaginary conversation. And I'd even find myself talking about what mathematics was saying or I thought was saying.
The weird thing though is that after a while I realized that in some way I was talking to the Math, and was getting answers as well. Those answers I could check, and it wasn't hearing voices or anything direct, but almost like if you could imagine a psychic link.
Sometimes it felt like I was in this other reality, one that lies outside of time, and it's hard to explain, but I know it is real. It is more real than our reality. It has always been and will always be. And I was walking around there with a sense of conversation, and the Math would tell me what I wanted to know.
The Math let me know there was no actual walking or movement there though. That everything there simply is, and always has been. It is Infinity itself.
There were no secrets. The Math keeps none. There is no reason to hide anything from us.
You can know anything you can ask the right question to find, and so I asked my questions.
It has taken me years to feel normal again. And I'm glad to have survived to now. At times there was this sense as I'd put it of walking with the gods, only to have to remind myself over and over again of my own mortality.
And there is a sense of loss as well, as I think the human mind can only process so much.
Sure, you can ask the questions, but can you hold the answers?
Of course not. Not when you're discussing with Infinity. But what's left over in your finite awareness can be enough.
The Math is not a person to me. The Math is an Intelligence.
All the answers are out there, if you can ask the right questions, but can you remember them all?
So does it matter what people believe?
Mathematics is fascinating in that it DOES things. You can DO things with it.
Long after every human being who is ever born or to be born has long died and trillions of years beyond the results will still be true.
The Math does not need us.
That perspective greatly helped me. For instance it was instrumental in coming up with my definition of mathematical proof, which I felt necessary when what was available from others was not up to the necessary standard.
I don't think it's a natural perspective for most. The idea that Math is an entity greater than us, versus a creation of our intellects, is a reversal that some may feel shrinks us. But for me it was a reversal critical to my success.
Asking questions of an entity greater than myself, got me answers which is what matters to me.
How true is my perspective?
I think that's a great question.