There are many comforts for someone like me, especially as appreciate just how important mathematics is to the human species. It does help someone in my peculiar situation, relax. As intense as some things have felt, in the big scheme of things are barely a blip in mathematical history.
Eventually the corrections to mathematical disciplines where needed will be in place. Mathematicians will confidently move forward with greater discovery, and so much now that seems so big, will simply...be dismissed.
People who were thought to be something they were not will for the most part be written out of human history, and so much will be a few sentences in the record.
It does bother me just a bit will admit. You think about massive amounts of human effort over a period that seems long to us, but is less than two hundred years. So much will be reset.
Web is already starting in other areas too. History books of the future will look so different in so many areas, as the truth becomes more dominant.
Web enables so much. Makes it so much harder to hide certain things.
To have my place in that picture of the grand scale of mathematics and human discovery in general is daunting. Years ago began working with that in mind, not concerned so much any more about the moment, but looking more often to the future.
Mathematics just does not care. It really is that simple. Still I felt so guilty with the truth. Still find it hard to comprehend at times. And is not my fault. Mathematical truth is just what is correct.
Mathematics is bigger than us all. Greater than us all.
And some of us get a little bit to write in that story. Is ok. It has to be.
I tell myself that it must be ok, and then I feel better. I DO care. But what good is that really?
Does my giving more time, work better? (And did I really? What did I control?) Or was it simply my worst conceit?
History will judge best am sure. Let future humans figure it out. I did what I felt was best.
So maybe I gave time, and in so doing changed the course of human history. But with what result? Time will tell.
Reality though was handling as much as I could as fast as I could. And still could use more time myself! Maybe in reality was more selfish than I want to admit.
And humanity is ok anyway. Of course our species is. Is greater than any one of us, as well. Or even all of us, currently alive.
Humanity is greater than us all.
Still we are needed. If for nothing else, for future humans to be born.
Maybe this post is to release the guilt then. And to admit, there was mercy shown. But was from a human, me. But then again part of me just doesn't think was mercy really. Was just me running away from the pain of others, as best I could. And round and round I go.
Is hard really, balancing things in my mind. I decided that the information is available. Those who were still mislead had opportunity. The best mathematical minds, I expected to find the truth.
Web enables. Becomes a test then, I'd tell myself. The best will pass.
But yeah, so often just did not want to deal with the pain of others. Born into a world which would teach them an untruth, and now is a lie. And what chance did they have?
And what about me? Why do I get to be the person? And why so alone with so much? And I DO care, am sure.
The math does not care. The math is just, perfect.
Oh well, this post is moody much. But maybe it is time for me to address things I'd rather not. Did I play God with the human species?
Am confident I did not. But yeah, I made certain decisions and more than I prefer to admit, people live in a world that is a result of some of them. But THAT is about the power of mathematics, and was also a surprise to me.
How much would be my decision, alone.